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Sidwell Meet: short-term memory

March 21, 2012 (Afternoon)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: 66, cloudy

Comments:
I had a short-term memory today. And that was that.

I showed up to the meet late. But I showed Up.
I'd had a long day. A longgg day. School ended and I sat, just sat and looked at my assignment book, debating how best to spend my time. It took me all of 30 minutes to finally decide on a subject and start working. And that was when I finally fell back into routine. I finally eased out of intense nervousness. I finally stopped clutching my insides. I finally stopped tapping my pencil.
I'd been wavering back and forth, hesitant in my resolution to run - run, not run, show up late, show up on time...I kept an eye on my watch, and by that point, by the time I'd started my hw, I was fully set on showing up. It was just a matter of when.
With timing roughly scheduled out in my mind, things began falling into place. I worked in a relaxed, routine but unhurried fashion. I got a significant amount done, not worried or anxious about whether or not the task was completely finished. Realizing it was around that time to head off, I got changed at my own pace - not rushing, nor dawdling. And then I set off with my water bottle, Luna bar, and phone.
Thats all I had to do. Make the decisions, follow through with them, and not think too hard.

I arrived at the track just after 5 I think. I managed not to get lost on the streets (as there's only one street to take to get to Sidwell), however I required the help of a tennis coach to navigate the campus I'd been to only about a thousand times. I successfully made it without losing much time. I found my team, learned what was going on, and joined the 800 runners warming up.
I went through the motions, focusing slightly harder on certain stretches/drills. I hadn't been thinking about it much at the time, but the run there had gotten me mostly warmed up, so I hadn't missed much by missing the full warm-up. I just followed people, sorta did my own thing, and just let things be what they were.
An woman with a notepad called over the 800ers, and called out the heats. I was surprised by my coach's apparent confidence in me: I was in heat 1. There were 3 heats. I was running with Alessa, Sofie, and Jessica, a bigger group of Sidwellers that I recognized, and a group of Stone Ridge (i think) girls, and they turned out to be a nice group to run with for my first track meet of the year.
With one last strider, we lined up at the start line. I let myself fall last. I like being at the edge. I always feel confined on the inside lane. We took two steps back, a step forward, and bent our knees.
I think I heard the gun shot, but I don't remember. And then I past the start line. I didn't merge into land 2 until I'd rounded the turn. The adrenaline lasted me through the straight away, keeping my stride under control, my form in check. I tucked right in behind a couple grey shirts. I still had a little adrenaline left to keep my knees driving through the next turn. The back straight away was where I had to re-focus a little. I was further ahead than I thought I'd be. I focused on some grey shirts that I'd allowed some distance with. I progressed right back up to use the pack. By the next turn, my confidence was back in check, giving me some momentum out of the turn.
The 2nd lap was similar to the first. I let my brain lull without turning off. I calmly absorbed those on the sidelines. The back straight away, again, I refocused. I saw Anthony, and Matt, and Amy i think (?). I felt a general soreness, pain - I remember thinking, telling myself, reminding myself, that thats what I was supposed to feel. And that was it. No dwelling on it. I kept running.
The 3rd lap brought a slight ripple of excitement. I surged steadily, controlled. I think I remember feeling the ache in my thighs and deciding to swing my arms faster and my legs harder. Increasing my pace at a constant rate, I made a slight point of focusing on getting to the turn. Thats where I pushed and forced a jump in the constant speed. I remember seeing Rily and deciding to shift towards the balls of my feet. I began driving harder, faster, and let myself stream through the straight away and through the finish line.
I was done. I did it. I was back.
I finished behind 3 grey shirts with a time of 2:48. I'm not going to pretend I was jumping for joy, because I wasn't. But I was satisfied, and perhaps a little relieved. Mostly, I was peaceful. I'd found my balance again. It felt right. I was where I was supposed to be - whether I could have run faster, or slower, who knows or cares - but I was, in that moment, quietly blissful.
I was slightly out of breath, but mostly weak. We lined up to give our names, and then gathered with our coach. "Welcome back," he told me, and that sums it up.

I had a short term memory today. I couldnt have told you what I ran last time or what I would/planned to today. I didn't think too hard, nor did I think not at all. I found my balance, and I think it might last.
I followed the flow of things, grabbing sweats and eventually cooling down. I participated in the chit chat and stretching, and I congratulated my teammates.
Tranquility still intact, I gathered my belongings and jogged back to school. I whiffed the muggy, flower-scented air and thought about which test I might want to study for first. No longer conflicted, fidgety, and anxious, I was unbothered by time-constraints and deadlines.
I've reflected, I've written it down, I can always look back though my entries. But I have a short term memory I won't be able to tell you every detail by tomorrow.