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Calvin Invitational

September 8, 2012 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Run

Comments:
Calvin is my favorite course. Calvin is my favorite race.

That being said, I put a lot of pressure on myself at this race. The week had not been working out for me thus far (as evidenced by my milage), and I'm still battling a really painful hip flexor/groin (?). That doesn't bother me while I'm running, though.

The plan was to go out as a big pack at 6 min pace. When we passed Coach Barnes at the half, though, he just yelled, "you're fine! you're fine!" which I knew immediately meant that we were going WAY too fast. Why else would he not give us the time after he promised he would? Because he didn't want us to panic. The point is that I think WAY too much during races, so I understand Barnes immediately. Thus, I hit the brakes. This is the only smart and correct thing I did during this race. I let them go. I went out way to fast, and the rest of the group went out WAY too fast. My first mile in 5:48.

Awhile after I crossed the mile mark and the group in front of me started to break up, I knew it was time to go. I'd gone out more conservatively for a reason, I felt fine, and I needed to GO. This is where everything went wrong. I knew I needed to go and I knew that I could go, but I just didn't. I thought and worried and thought and thought myself silly and just didn't go. The best races are run when you shut your brain off. I didn't shut my brain off. It had the busiest 19 minutes of my existence. It was awful.

Someone yelled at me at 300 to go and at least I did respond to that. Not that well, but I did kick at least. Got into a race the final stretch with two other girls who also very much had kicks. I hate getting outkicked. I consider my finish one of the strongest parts of my race. Anyway one girl got me by a fifth of a second and the other (the girl right next to me) was credited with the exact same time to the tenth of a second and then placed in front of me. Finished 31st at a race I placed 12th at last year, at my favorite race of the season. Ran only 5 seconds faster than my best road race in Wales, when I was overtrained, run down, motivationless, alone, and, I believe, had a stress fracture.

I was and am extremely angry at myself over this race. Other than a pacing victory early on and the incredible team performance (!!!!!!!!! :) !!!!!!!!!!!), I don't have much good to say. I have three weeks to figure out how to calm down, stop stressing out, quit my recent behavioral trend of panicking and anxiety, and shut my fucking brain off. I need to be ready to feel GOOD and perform at All-Ohio. It's not just about being ready to run. It's also about healing the ailments and getting your mind in the right place. So that's what I have three weeks to do.