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MIT

February 13, 2016 (Afternoon)

Exercise Type: Run

Comments:
Ran 16:39.43 for 5000m. Battled with two guys from Wesleyan in middle laps, and some other guy in blue during last mile.

Pretty much ran 40s the entire time. Failed to execute another plan: hoped to go out in 5:20, aiming for a big negative split--but didn't. I had the worst pre-race anxiety in recent memory. I'd worked myself into a high-school-like panic hours beforehand. That, in conjunction with the illness that came back on Thursday didn't play into my hand. Plus, with all the distance coaches and runners (except Walker who was preoccupied with the 3k) at BU, I had nobody to talk to for the whole meet. Called my dad's voicemail on the ride back to hear his voice, which was a huge mistake.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't frustrated--I ran just 8 seconds slower than this an on XC course 16 months ago. It feels like there are so many things out of my control, like the training is not helping me. I've wondered whether I should have gone to BU for an almost guaranteed mile personal best.

It's also been a pretty rough week in general. Suddenly really struggling with school and anxiety, especially my music class. In terms of playing and knowing about jazz, I am more than qualified to take it. But when it comes to reading and notating music, I am--how shall I say?--absolute shit. Don't quite know how to reconcile this or explain it to my professors, let alone improve. This one thing is stressing me out more than my other three classes combined.

I've learned about myself at college that I don't solve small problems well. Give me 100 pages of reading and in my mind, it's already done, 10-page paper, no big deal; but any minor, logistical task, anything I have to go search for on GLOW, and I do not deal with it well. Besides my own meagre supply of medicine, when I get sick, I always have the sense that there's nothing I can do to make myself better--ESPECIALLY not walking half a mile to the health center, where they'll do nothing more than tell me what I already know.