View Workout (Sara Creevy)
I need more.
September 9, 2009 (Morning)
Exercise Type: Run
Comments:
Summertime; each weekday morning was something I looked forward to. I'm not what you call a morning person, but I enjoyed everyday I endured of it. the hard days, the easier ones, the ultimate days especially. All of summer, I knew I was gonna beast it out during xc and I was excited.
Now; I struggle to get out of bed for school and I don't look forward to pratice.
I need motivation.
I am so un-inspired.
It is so hard to run at all right now.
Coach Brice said something during the last mile of my race friday, and its stuck with me.
He asked me Why i worked so hard over the summer? Or something along those lines.
And I thought, Good question.
Why did I kill myself this summer, waking up at 7 each morning to do something tough, because the way Ive ran since the season has started has proven that it was a phase.
I don't want phases.
I dont want to go through this mentally strong, physically strong phase where I'll do anything for running. I hate it these phases.
I want it to be permenant.
I want to know I'm in this because I love it, but I'm not seeing Sara the Runner anymore.
I see Sara the slacker, the person who dreads pratice because I'll slack because I come up with some stupid excuse.
I feel so useless as a runner.
It's seems as if my running is doing no one any good, not even me.
And I hate that.
It kills me when coach is telling the team how great we are doing, when there is me who constanly slacks, and when I don't slack...I feel less motitvated because I am sooo slow.
I need to know this is for me, not for anyone else.
And I cant prove that right now.
Honestly, It's probably best I'm not running silverwood so I can get my mind into shape, so then I get get my body in shape after I get mentally strong.
Running is so hard.
So stressful.
It makes me just want to cry.
Those 2 meets are the hardest meets I've endured,apart from west park last year.
Yet, my times are SIGNIFICATNLY slower.
I'm loosing sight.
I need your help coach.
I really do.
I need the whole team.
All of you, are amazing.
I'm so blessed being around SO many amazing people, and I'm sorry for my actions lately.
I've been a bad runner, and its not acceptable.
I need a new perspective.
I need to break this barrier.