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Manhattan

October 8, 2016 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Run

Comments:
I kept waking up last night so I didn't get great rest. We had so much time in the morning before we had to leave that it didn't feel like a race day. At any rate I was mixed between really excited and really nervous. I felt horrible on the shake out run. My stomach was hurting so bad and my legs felt like bricks. I told myself it was all mental and that I wouldn't feel any of it during the race. but I didn't really believe myself. I absolutely love NYC so it was a lot of fun just being there, I love the atmosphere and the accents and the food obviously. The time passed pretty quickly but I was wishing that our race was earlier. The weather was perfect and we didn't think it was going to rain but of course it did like an hour before our warmup. We were resting under the tent and the rain was making me sleepy so I really wasn't feeling warming up when the time came. I felt much better on the warmup than I did on the shake out run, so that was good. We cheered for the boys and they didn't look to great so that was a bummer but I think some of them did have good races. Before we warmed up the aspect of the race I was most nervous for was the pre-start: tempo, drills, strides, and the wait on the line. The start at Manhattan is the scariest thing ever. Thinking about it makes me cringe. When I think about having to race I tell myself it's only temporary pain and I can handle it. During track season I had to deal with my back being in almost constant pain, and as much as it sucks, it's a learning experience that helps me feel confident that I can handle pain. Just like hard workouts help mentally prepare you for races. But when I get really nervous it's often about the pre-race and sometimes I'll just be thinking really negatively because I don't want to go through the discomfort of it. I'm sorta rambling here but I guess it's just something I've been thinking about lately and that I need to work on. We brought our spikes over to the line and I think the rain stopped around then but the ground was now wet and disgusting. The two min tempo felt really long and hard but how I feel on the tempo doesn't mean anything for how I race. Sometimes I have a good race when I have a bad tempo and vice versa. I did not feel ready to race. I started getting really nervous. I know that I can get out fast at the start but I was so scared that I would get out and then die like at McQuaid. I started crying at one point because I was letting the pressure get to my head. We were all super quiet and it was driving me crazy because the atmosphere was already really depressing and I just felt like I needed to get pumped up or something. It felt like we were on the line forever. It was really tight and I pictured the girl next to me, cutting me off and tripping me so that I get boxed in. The start was really weird because I expected it to be crowded but I moved over to head towards the pole and I was completely by myself like between a pack on the left where everyone else was and a pack on the right. I got out really hard though and when we got to the path I was in a good position. I started to feel really tired now that we were going uphill but it was going by so fast and there were so many girls around me. I could see Lizzy and Charlotte up ahead which really motivated me. Every time I wanted to slow down or settle I would think of them and how hard they were working and I would force myself to go faster. My headband kept slipping off so I threw it to the boys when I passed them. Right around there I started thinking too much, like I don't think I can do this, what if I went out to fast. But I told myself that everything was resting on me now and if I slowed down now that we weren't even going to place top 3. I almost fell on a couple of the downhills but I passed a bunch of people. By the time I was crossing the bridge for the second time I was really dying but it also wasn't a 5k and there was the downhill. The finish felt insanely long but when I finished I was so happy. Unfortunately it didn't last for too long cause nobody else had a good race and everyone was pretty upset.

I think in this race I broke through a mental barrier because I feel like sometimes I unconsciously think like maybe I won't be able to race any faster than I did at McQuaid, maybe I'm just not strong enough.