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A Run And Then Another Run

May 19, 2019 (Afternoon)

Exercise Type: Run

Comments:
This is a happy log. I'm very pleased with myself and running and the world. :)

Had a hard day with the kiddos at camp and was feeling generally crappy about a bunch of other things when I got home. Moped around for a while and really debated going to summer running because usually it makes me happier, but it also has been making me sad to feel like I'm not truly a part of the team in the same way anymore despite my regular appearances there. Letting go is hard. Finally I decided I'd be less miserable to go and feel nostalgic than to stay home and feel anxious and sad. Right choice! Good thinking, Hannah.

Got there and debated whether to go in the shortest/slowest group or the middle group, but went with the former. My daily problem is that while I'm in shape enough run as long as the longest group, I definitely can't keep up with the pace, and the middle group refused to name even an estimate of the pace they'd be running which made me nervous. Colleen, Natasha, Sabina (NCS), and I ran a 30 minute loop that went Reno to Porter to Connecticut and back up Woodley to Garfield. We enjoyed the perks of Kathy no longer overseeing the program which was fun. When we got back I wasn't feeling very tired and it was such a nice day that I wanted to extend. Sabina joined me for 5 minutes through the STA trail and then went back, but I felt good and kept adding on...for the next 25 minutes. Oops!? I haven't decided yet whether that was smart or stupid, but I was having so much fun and feeling so good that I just didn't want to stop, so I decided to make it into my first long run of my possible half marathon training. The last 10 minutes definitely felt hard, I'll definitely be sore tomorrow, but I think that's how a long run should feel. I'll take it easy the next day or two. Usually I hate running alone, but for basically the first time ever I was mad when I had to stop for a light. I was in such a good rhythm and felt totally powerful and confident. It was pretty awesome.

Because my logs are frequently grumpy and I never really did a sum-up-my-highschool-team-experience-log, I just want to take a moment to reflect now while I'm feeling so happy. Running is a ridiculously demanding sport but truly the most beautiful part of my life and the place where I've grown the most in high school. This sounds silly, but I'm really proud of myself for choosing to go to the run when I was feeling bad today. I think 6 months ago I might have just moped around and had a bad afternoon, but I chose to make myself do something that was good for me mentally and physically and it worked. That doesn't directly connect to running, but I think that being a runner has taught me a lot about myself and helped me to make mature decisions that have a positive impact on my wellbeing. While I certainly don't feel like a full adult yet by any means, being on this team for the last four years and becoming a true athlete shepherded me from childhood to the beginnings of adulthood. This team has been with me through my best and worst times of high school and has given me a healthy way to cope when life is hard and taught me so much about how to make it better. I could go on and on, but the reason I didn't write and end-of-season log is it felt impossible and unfair to try to sum up something so beautiful. The power of this team is that it means something different to everyone even as we all enjoy it together. It doesn't matter what it means to me. If you know me well, you will know, and I think four years of my logs explain adequately. I mean this log to be simply a celebration of this particular run because in a way, each successful run now is the product of hundreds of others over my last four years.