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No Turning Back

September 4, 2010 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: 55 Cloudy/ On-and-off Rain

Comments:
I came into today dejected, angry, bitter, and miserable with how I am running and questioned whether or not I even have any value running this season. I went out well further back than I had any intentions at all of finishing, probably in 20th on our team. After an 800 I realized that this was a race and I was not running race pace. I saw Jake Smith of JCU surge past me and followed him aggressively for a while, eventually passing him. I reached Paul Curtiss at about the mile mark, which I crossed in 5:19, and spent the next section running down Brian Link. I passed Robert and Austin at the hill, Jake Smith came with me, and Robert passed me back. We made the turn to come down the hill and everyone around took off. I knew I had a lot left, but had a hard time running out-of-control fast down the hill, so people passed me. As we entered the field, Coach Lanese yelled for me to get two, and I immediately got one. On the final stretch, an Allegheny kid flew by me, I passed Jake Smith again, and I sped up to make a move on Ethan Teare, but nearly tripped and ended up finishing half a second behind him in 20:01 in sixth place on the team.

First of all, I am really pleased by my race today. I never expected to be our number six runner, only two seconds off our fourth and only twelve from our second. I guess that this shows I actually belong running with our top guys, perhaps from the start next time instead of waiting half a mile to actually start racing. My legs felt uncoordinated and I almost tripped several times, but they never felt heavy and while I was breathing hard, as I had better be in a race, it was never out-of-control. This actually felt kind of easy and I wasn’t tired at the end.

I understand that I have a serious amount of unfinished business this season and that this is the only the beginning, not an end, but it feels great to finally have a reason to believe I still can. However, in a sense this was the easy part; I’ve performed at this level before and I will be facing new challenges in the future. But, unlike every season ever before, I cannot ever give up on this one and punt my way into next year because there is no next year. For once I need to push myself all the way, not stop now, not stop after Oberlin, not stop after UAAs, and hopefully not stop after Regionals. After all the crap I’ve been through in the last ten months, it feels great to be back on the stairs, but after all that I have only just reached the first step. The ability to run is an amazing gift and now I finally understand how it feels to lose it, so perhaps I will finally respect its value and make the most of every single day I’ve got.