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Perils

April 8, 2015 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: Dark and stormy looking

Comments:
Does it count as running a mile if I have to stop in the middle to tie my shoe, get assaulted by a neighbor, and offered a cool $400 for my shiny metal appendage?

Today wasn't exactly the most efficient. I missed my morning run because I'd been wiped out from yesterday, so I decided to run at night instead. I said I'd run a mile today and I did. It just took me awhile to get there.

The first half of the run I was doing great. I set off around 9 and, without people to distract me, I was about to blow my time out of the water and cut off a good 46 seconds. Then my shoe became untied.

I only have one, so I really should be a pro at keeping it tied I guess, but I had to stop in front of Mrs. Appleby's house to fix it. Apparently she saw me, and thinking I was a burglar, came out to whack me with a rolling pin (which I didn't think was a real thing, but apparently the baking tool is indeed the average 80 year old woman's weapon of choice.)

She caught me from behind and left me with a good goose egg by my temple. I was already pretty thrown off on time when she held me up a few minutes to apologize by giving me an unwrapped caramel from her pocket. She had thought I was one of the Jonsen kids. That reaction might seem harsh, but had I been that little Nick Jonsen twerp, I say she had dealt with him accordingly.

When she went inside to make me a cup of tea, I escaped, but I had already added four minutes to my plate. I had to at least try to make up the time.

A few minutes later I got a little turned around (be it from the bump on my head or the ungodly hour at which I was running is to be determined) and ended up in the sketchy part of the neighborhood. It at least got me running a little faster.

However, just as I passed the abandoned crack house, I was flagged down by a creepy looking fellow who seemed to have developed an affinity for recreational drugs. I tried to run past him, but he somehow caught me by the shoulder and stopped me. I thought I was about to die, but the man only wanted to buy my leg off of me, flashing me a fraying fanny pack stuffed with twenties.

I told him I needed it to run home, but I would meet up with him tomorrow for the sale, which seemed to appease him as I made a break for it.

Takeaways:

I will not be selling my leg.

I will no longer be running at night.