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west park

October 14, 2009 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: aflk;djdfakj

Comments:
Hmm

nothing good to say really.

mile one, fast fast fast! 6:03 i think is what we came across with? after that it was over for me i think... i don't think i kept up much longer.

mile two, horrible. i couldn't concentrate at all. i know i could have gone faster, i know it. i just didn't. i don't know why.

mile three, not as bad, considering i knew i could finish. hated it, and wasn't having any fun.

it felt like a workout really.
maybe that's all it should have been.

really disappointed in myself...
i don't know why i'm running soo off
i feel like i've worked my butt off, and started off really strong, but i want to end even stronger...
:(
it's so weird, realizing in every race that it's the last time you'll ever get to run it.
and to finish like i did today, i was pretty mad just because it's MY YEAR and i don't want it to start going downhill from now.

At districts, it's all me.
Those teams better watch out or else i will kick them in the face!! :)

Kerrie getting kicked off varsity (without her even RUNNING in a meet) made me so sad. But when i saw her crying at the end, i totally changed my mind about being angry. It's so weird... I feel like all of us varsity seniors (Kerrie POTENTIALLY, Chelsie, Becca, me, Sora) we DESERVE to run as a team together and kick people's butts! We are a group of the most talented people ever! We could beat up all those schools because we are so tough haha. I'm just soooo surprised that when we all finished today, except sora, we were all so disappointed in ourselves, and i think it scares us because we don't want to miss out on an opportunity to do really well...if you know what i mean haha. So when i was comforting kerrie, i said to her, "use this for next week, because you are going to finish with your best performance of your life" (or seomthing like that hahaha i dont think she heard me.) And when Chels was disappointed in being two places from medaling, it reminded me of last year, two places for me going to state... and Becca disappointed in not PRing since freshman year. It's all getting so negative! I just think that, in reality i guess, we have SOOO much potential. The problem is, we are so mentally afriad of everything about this sport. For me, it's my times because i WANT to get noticed and make it to state, for real. For Kerrie, it's making and staying on varsity. For Chelsie, i'm sure it's to get a medal and get good times, and Becca...i guess it's to finsih strong :) I realized today after i was running my cooldown by myself, I'm AFRAID. We're all AFRAID. But i know deep down we have so much left to put onto the courses...and i realize for districts i am literally going to have to run until i collapse, because i guess that's what it's going to take for me to achieve what i have been able to achieve this year.

before my districts race in track last year, i cried my eyes out because i was SO afraid of losing and not achieving what i had worked so hard for. My mom came in and told me to shut up basically, and i'll never forget that race because i felt so damn (pardon my french) good after i raced and realized that i needed to tell myself to shut up and run.

And now, me, Kerrie, Chelsie, Becca, and all the seniors just need to let this loose on the course; it's our LAST SHOT, and we can't be afriad anymore, I'm TIRED OF BEING AFRAID!! People need to be afraid of US!! Even for everyone else. My dad always tells me "run like it's your last because you never know if it is or not." and you better believe it...


sorry this was so long, i was just sooooo upset for some reason! UGH oh well...i hope you're not laughing at me for writing so corny!!!

our teams did amazing though!