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time trial

October 31, 2018 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Run

Comments:
felt horrible all day and had to go home and lie down because I was so dizzy and lightheaded and thought I might faint. just sort of went through the motions to go to the track, warm up, and get ready. started to get nervous before the race about how bad I'd felt all day/all week, but I just took it one step at a time. Running started and at first the pace felt really slow and easy and I got excited. the first mile was alright, but I started to feel more and more tired. I think I fell off the pace with like a mile to go maybe, or a little less. breathing got bad and form collapsed. I thought about quitting, but sort of dragged myself through the rest. kicked decently well to run like 3 seconds slower than my PR and the promptly stumbled to the ground and lied down for a while as the world spun. felt super weak after and the rest of the night, and my friends helped walk me home and let me lean on them. I felt really frustrated, not so much about not achieving my goal, but more about my condition taking yet another thing from me. I've sort of come to terms with the fact that I'm not going to be perfectly health y (or particularly close to it), and that I shouldnt expect to race without interference from my health issues, be it asthma or chronic fatigue/nmh. mostly I was just frustrated to have nearly fainted multiple times in one day and about just how bad I've been feeling. It's nice to be only a few seconds off of my PR after what was pretty much the worst week of my life, considering that a year ago that PR was like a magical racing experience and a giant step forward. all the work I've done over the past year definitely amounted to something, even if all I managed to do was stay the same as various forces were pushing me back. definitely feeling more able to put running in perspective, since it doesn't feel like a huge priority right now compared to like trying to feel healthy.