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Elliptical--The Future?

April 9, 2010 (Afternoon)

Exercise Type: Elliptical

Weather: Cardio Room

Comments:
It wasn't clear when I planned out my day if I was going to cross-train or not, everyone else was leaving, and my knee was a little sore, so I just did half an hour. I did this next to Paul Zackowski and was yelling for most it. I made quite a scene and may have been getting weird looks from random other people, though I didn't care enough to check. I am sick and tired of being out of shape and knowing no matter how hard I try, the best I can possibly hope for is to not get any worse. I am wondering why I bother looking forward to cross-country. It might be a disaster. My immediate future sucks. In this middle of this rant, I accidently turned off the elliptical and spent a couple minutes trying to figure out how to turn it back on. At this point the outburst denegrated to laughter and I finished up more relaxed. This was a very weird cross-training session where my heart rate oscillated like crazy as I went through various spurts of anger and despair.

Oddly enough after everything I said today, I think now is a very good time to take a step back and put everything in perspective. In two more weeks, the semester will be over. Good riddance. I am at 35-37 miles this week and will probably try to let that creep up to 40ish next week (though Coach wants me to keep it constant). I have 18 weeks until camp. I should hit 50 miles the week of April 26-May 2. This will give me 15 weeks to increase 25 more miles and drop a minute off the pace. I can come into camp at 75 a week like normal. If I run well..... who knows?

Now for the thing everyone else besides me seems to think is my problem, the mental stuff. I can argue in circles all day with this, and none of that matters at all. I have no idea what's going to happen in 4 months and neither do YOU, so I'll try and stop pretending I know if YOU stop pretending also. No man is an island and I am no exception, so I know some of the stuff I've said lately hasn't really been the very best for the team. I love this team (yes, I still do) and being away from it for the last 5 months has killed me more than anything else. I've been a horrible teammate and I apologize. Come November, I think we all have something to prove and I am going to help make this happen in whatever way I can, whether it be running or not (and believe me, after what I did last year I want very badly to be running...)

If anyone is still reading by this point, you are a more patient person than I am, and I wish you a good night.