View Workout (Brandon Hahn)
Season Reflections
December 19, 2011 (Night)
Exercise Type: Other
Comments:
Now that I have some free time, and I've had a little time to think about it, I'll reflect on my season.
In May, I said that coming back to try and help the team make it to nationals was not a big motivation for me. I recognized that the best way to help was to run as fast as possible, but I had already made my peace with never making it to nats and that was it. A lot of this (I now recognize in hindsight) stemmed from the fact that I was really depressed about the early end to my track career caused by my injury. I wasn't lying though; I really was not excited to help the team. I did acknowledge that this might change, but I certainly did feel that way at the time.
During the spring, I had decided to set my xc goal as sub-25. I refused to adjust this after I missed months to injury, and I don't regret that. I am still disappointed that I didn't break 25, but in the end times only go so far. I really had no other big goals, but all-conference and all-region were things I thought I could achieve.
In the end, I ran my best in championship season when it counted, and I am happy about that. I think that I really planned my training well this year (Bobby had a role in this and I don't mean to exclude him, but he wasn't the one doing the actual running every day). My highest mileage weeks of the entire training cycle were in mid/late August, September, and early October. This allowed me to build strength during most of the season and run my best in November. I think I could have stood to back off a little bit more in late October/early November than I did, but it was not that critical.
My best races (in my opinion) were Long/Short, Santa Clara, Regionals, and Nationals. The Dickinson race happened during the high mileage phase and gave me confidence. SC showed me that I was in better form than last year, and championship season was championship season. I have no explanation for the fail at Paul Short. Before that race and conferences I was dealing with foot issues, and it threw me off mentally I guess.
Other than doing slightly worse at regionals and nationals than I wanted to, I really don't have anything bad to say about the season. It was definitely a lot of fun and certainly worth it to come back for the semester.
The only thing I can come back to (and I bring it way too often, but that's because it bugs me a lot) is my ankle injury. I remember talking to Budman in April about how awesome xc was going to be because I was in great shape and ready to come in, guns blazing. Instead I had to suffer through a couple months of pain and bad training. Things turned out ok, but I can't help but wonder what might have been if I had stayed healthy. If I was anything but a "redshirt" senior I would not be so bothered, but these were my final races and I wish I could have run them with a full season of training.
Still, finally getting that nationals goal is all I will remember in 10 years. My feelings certainly did change during the season and I promise that I did care. If nothing else, I owed it to my teammates to give it my best effort.
One thing related to this that I should add is that during the season I had some doubts. I spent a fair amount of time this summer running with Anders, and he said last year when he won nats he felt like during the season he became an "apathetic running machine". Sometime in late September this year I noticed the same thing happening to me. I started to get so wrapped up in my own running that I stopped caring about my teammates and started getting defensive about my own running and training. Gradually I started to change this, and I think by conferences I became a little better about it. What I started to realize (also thanks to something Anders said) was the joy that one can get out of the gift of sharing one's running with others. As I became more aware of the support and encouragement from my teammates and alumni, I felt better because I no longer felt like I was going at it alone. To see so many people so happy after Regionals was gratifying to me, and really gave me some great closure.
In the end it's important to not let running distort your sense of self-worth. It's a big part of your life, but it's not the only thing, and feeling like you are a better person because you had a good race or ran a fast time is stupid and juvenile. More often than not this will let running dictate your life too much, which is rarely a good thing. Anders pointed this out too actually. He's a very insightful guy.
I guess the reason I mention all this is that I would hate for guys like Saksham or Austin or the sophomores to think that in order to be a good runner you have to be an apathetic running machine. I never tried to give off this impression and I hope that it never showed through, even when I felt like I was an apathetic running machine.
Career reflections will go up tomorrow probably