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Fun little run

April 12, 2022 (Morning)

Exercise Type: Run

Weather: Cool and Sunny

Comments:
(Hi Silas, hope things are going well at 'Cuse, this log is personal but I don't mind if you read it)

Anis said he wants to do another marathon this summer and I might just join him if my morning routine holds up. I've been doing some small shakout runs every morning just to see how I feel about running. It was a footbridge to footbridge run, I left the house exactly when the carrillion rung and got back exactly when the carillion rung again, so I was out for 15 minutes exactly.

Running was the first sport that I fell in love with, and as immature and inconsistent as I was my senior year, I really did love working out and running with the guys.

Since then, I've rowed at a high level, biked across the country, fell in love then out of love then back in love with robotics and engineering, done the same with a wonderful woman that eventually ended for good, made countless mistakes but have somehow held on, made incredible friendships, have inspired other people in a way that has profoundly affected their lives and mine alike, tried and failed then tried again at killing my hubris, have found myself not only as a person but also as a man, and have found how many different ways I still have to improve.

I also know now why I flamed out my senior season, and I know that I'm not that person now or ever again. At this point in my life I have triumphed over every adversity I have faced, and succeeded personally in a way that is hard to see and as hard to describe.

I see life as as a differential equation with infinite terms, with different constants applied to each, and I'm less concerned with where I am now nearly as much as where I will end up. I could try to model it in Matlab but I think life is far too chaotic for that. I do believe in fate and that everything in life can be predicted with infinite computing power, but life exists on a knife edge, not in a valley. Both paths can be described and predicted with the same equation, but a valley will correct itself to equilibrium, while a knife edge means any infinitesimally small change will lead to a drastically different path. Instead of trying to force a certain path that I want to set out on, I have learned that going with the winds and constantly reeveluating my goals works the best for me. Whether they stay the same or not is entirely up to me, but I feel for the first time in my life that I am truly happy with where I am and where I'm headed, wherever that my be. I'm comfortable being on my own time.

Whether I end up changing the world or flaming out, this log will be an important reference.

Aight that's all. I'll keep logging if I keep running.